when zanas listens, zanas sees

Monday, October 26, 2009

i don't understand how something called 'facebook' can actually control my life. i have been outwitted and now my life needs re-construction.

i regret for missing couple of times to journaling the events that meant so much to me. namely, my 18th wedding anniversary on last 13 sept. my hubby took me to enjoy a lavish dinner just the two of us. no kids, no hassle...just us. he spent every penny he earned that day and pampered me with dinner and my favourite ice-cream at swensen's. to many, there are other better places to dine. for me...it is the best place to pamper myself because it is my favourite eating place. my hubby knows me best.

i never believed or applied any resolution at any new-year before. but in welcoming 2010, i think i need a word (or two) to best describe my goal for a new life..."blog it!!!". yeap, that's the word(s).

zanas`

10:02 AM

Monday, October 12, 2009

my face has aged since hari raya

my self-potraits showed my sagging cheeks, my double chin and my tired eyes

i look so haggard suddenly...an image of a sad lonely old lady

i don't like it!!!

zanas`

4:04 PM

Sunday, October 04, 2009

it feels good coz life has been kind and crazy things have vanished (i hope permanently...i know it's really up to me).

it has been quite a while since i last did my scrapbooking. the last notebook i executed was for aida, meant as a birthday gift to her wonderful friend. it was very satisfying when the layout, theme and everything else fall in place.

and recently i itched to work on one more. i started yesterday afternoon and have just completed it today. it's meant for my dear alison and i know she'll like it coz it's very beautiful. i used a different concept for alison's. there's no bookmark-divider. instead i applied tags and pockets on all dividers. this is the first time i executed this concept and i'm proud of myself. they are pretty simple but i like it that way and i hope alison shares the thought. i printed few pictures from her blog and pasted them on back covers and tags.

i did a video this afternoon and faiz helped with the editing. he even added instrumental songs and captions for me. i'm happy with the result. it was nicely done...although my presentation was so innocently unprofessional. still, the effort was there and i'm glad. anyhow, i'll upload the pic on my bloghead and fb after alison received the package next week.

i plan to do a brief video clip at singpost when making the drop and post the vid on her fb with a message. is it too much? but i really like to try something different and this is how i want it. so, let's see what happens. by the way, the inserted pic above is a picture of alison with a painted face done by a busker in KL. she looks so pretty, don't you think? the picture is pasted on the back page of its front cover.

can't wait for next week to send out the package. i shall update my bloghead with the pictures when the time comes. till then, i'm now planning a theme for another scrapped notebook meant for my top fb fan. i ordered some stuff online as my stash is out of embellishments. i hope to receive it by next week so that i can execute my scrapping as soon as possible (musn't let my fan wait...kekeke).

zanas`

7:18 PM

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

while every other muslims are busy preparing for the coming syawal, here i am spending the hours attending to orders and working on my scrapnotebooks .

and talking about syawal, can't believe that this sunday is actually hari raya!!! **talking about time flies**

anw, for record purpose and as reminder to myself - i did not undertake my duty as a muslim this year due to my bad cough and other health prob. this is the first time i couldn't fast even a single day. i'm very sad with all these. i hope HE forgives me.

itinerary -

complete 1 scrapnotebook by tonight, do binding tomorrow and pass it to my customer-friend (aida)
saturday morning at 4am - going to al-ameen for our last sahur this ramadhan
rest of saturday - to clementi and buy curtain poles for my parents; to geylang and buy 2nd piece of baju kurung for my youngest girl; to nani's house to collect hari raya goodies; to my parents' place and deliver the curtain polls; spend the whole evening till late night cleaning the house; and last but not least, iron outfits for the fam.

there will be hidden chores. but let's just wait and see.

salam ramadhan and have a blessed syawal!!!!

zanas`

4:33 PM

Thursday, August 06, 2009

today i started to learn to breathe. amazing, isn't it? after living as long as i did, i had only discovered about breathing last night from alison. proper breathing helps to clear the system and all the interconnected feeling and thoughts.

thank you dear :p

zanas`

10:11 PM

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

i feel much happier these few days. my search for the missing piece of my life is not a question any longer.

after talking to a friend, i realized that looking for the mysterious piece is not as important as the other solid pieces that i already have. i must look around me and feel the presence of my love ones, the time i spent with them, a job that occupies my restless time, my health, my life as a whole and the simplest thing that gives me joy.

somehow, he could also sense my resistance and fear that exist within me, and would like to help me shifting that fear aside. i need to understand that fear is only False Emotion Appearing Real, and this emotion is not healthy. i need to throw it far away. he saw how desperately i need a change but scared of the consequences. although he explained to me how to manage the change process and follow-ups in phases, i still can’t help myself but holding back. the more he opened me up to go towards and move forward to the change, the more i resist. and after chatting with alison yesterday, i can’t deny my desperation for a change. but i'm also aware of the fact that i can’t have everything. in exchange of getting something, i will lose something. i'm not ready for that. although he tried to convince me about adapting postively to responses from everyone around me and those affected to this change, i don’t have the confidence if i am strong enough. he said i must first learn to manage my thoughts. but what if i retaliate to the worst?

on a follow-up session, i need to identify few issues that i must focus on and rectify. he shared with me the neuro-linguistic program and he introduced me to anthony robbins unlimited power. after reading only a brief caption of his work on the site, i realized that i have so many barriers that i built around me, and now i need to train myself to make a break through and eliminate my limitations.

it sounds easy, but it so difficult keeping my concentration on the right track. i keep drifting back to my incapabilities, my shortfalls, my flaws and my poor discipline.

alison is helping me with energy healing. she has pointed to me about negative and positive energy that vibrate within us and at the same time its frequency that we send out.

her message read -

… we are energy beings, we vibrate and send out different frequency of energy, some call it aura. negative energy vibrates lower than positive energy, that's why sometimes we feel uncomfortable when we are around negative people, we can just FEEL their energy/aura.

energy has no beginning nor end and we are all connected in this energy field, much like a web or a matrix. so when i do healing here, you will also get the effect there, at the same time, there is no time delay. this needs more elaboration and can be very scientific and technical. bottom line is it works.

no, it is not a mid life crisis. you are just tired of your everyday routine that you are feeling like going in circles. you are angry at yourself? more like geram? that is why feeling negative. you just want out but dunno where to go? feeling stuck. it is all too normal when your vibration is no longer a matcth to your surroundings. you are not alone, there are many i know out there feeling the same as you.

fear? you are fearing what you will become? you are growing internally and spiritually, but yet at the same time fear that you may not be as what you expect yourself to be. let go of false expectation. small steps of gratitude living does wonders. do not expect of yourself too much, just take it easy. know that you are the best you can be right this given moment, that is all you need to know... moment to moment, you are good, you are ok.

it would be much better if we can chat, then you can ask questions and have a more clearer picture. 2 way interaction is way much better.you are right where you need to be, you are ok. you are blessed. lots of love to you :)

i've done a lot of thinking after my chats with my two friends. and before i resume for follow-ups, i need to understand few things about myself and identify the negative energy. though i still can’t get all my inner-self problems rectified overnight, at least i now know where i’m heading and what i really need. the only thing now, is how much i’m going to co-operate with myself and make myself a happy person with confidence and faith.

zanas`

1:37 PM

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

i can't find any good reason to defend myself. i've been neglecting my post yet again...and again. and all because of my addiction to fb.

so many things happened over these few weeks. late yasmin. that was one that been on my mind since her passing. didn't realize that her 22nd july post would be the last time i read from her blog. life is so unpredictable...scary and unpredictable. i dunno when my post would be my last entry. i guess that's why we are not allowed to see our future. coz our future might scare ourselves, especially with death as our common one promised by GOD.

other things that been bugging me (and that's why i'm still up...now 12:40am), would be work, work and work **that's alot of bugging...trust me**. it's difficult to write it down. my hub had just given me a counselling session earlier today. he's been a great help enlightening me, but later this evening, i became more confused.

my life is becoming more complicated and i'm getting tired and drained out. eventually, i got myself into retail therapy. i've been getting white jeans and white 3/4 pants as planned. lurv them. knowing how much this enjoyable activity can help me get over my unpleasant mood swing, my hub has been letting me doing my shopping and my wardrobe-planning at my own phase.

back to fb...i 'met' many of my long lost friends. somehow it has given me a mixed feeling ~ happy and sad. i wish i could turn back the clock to those good old school days and freeze it at that point. the carefree feeling, the joy, the jokes, the laughters, the countless heartbreaks and tears. all the sweet and bitter memories made me miss those days even more. and missing those people sometime pain me.

back to reality...i must remind myself to better manage my time. and i shall keep reminding myself that.

good night world. good night, friends.

zanas`

12:02 AM